Every once in a while a parent will tell the nurse that they want the child out of the room to discuss an issue with the doctor privately. This is usually something they perceive as a negative thing for the child to hear. Some of the most common concerns are about the child’s weight or behaviors. Sometimes it relates to a change in the family dynamics, such as divorce or a parent having a significant illness.
Secrets should never be kept…
While I understand the parent’s intentions, I find this to be disruptive and counter productive. As much as I try to find an excuse to have a child leave, it is usually obvious that the nurse keeps them out longer than needed.
If we have the child leave the room, he knows something is up. We are talking about him.
But not sharing with him.
What could possibly be so bad that we won’t talk to him about it?
How do you feel when you suspect people are talking about you?
Why then should parents and doctors keep things from the child?
That doesn’t mean kids need to know everything.
We all know that as adults that we do shield our kids from things.
Kids do not need to know our financial worries. We can teach them financial responsibility without increasing their anxieties.
They do not need the burden of knowing about extramarital affairs. If there are problems in a relationship, they will know there are problems, but they do not need to know details.
I don’t think that kids need to know everything, but that doesn’t mean that we should make it obvious that we’re hiding something. Especially when it pertains to them.
What does the child know?
Any patient needs to know what the issues are so they can be addressed. This includes most kids.
My guess is most of these kids already know what the concerns are.
They may need help working on the concern or help adjusting to the home life situation.
If they are overweight, we need to talk about what they eat, how they exercise, and how they sleep.
When there are behavior problems, they need to give insight into how they feel and what leads to the behaviors.
Regardless of the issue, they need to be a part of the plan to fix the problems. If they aren’t on board, they won’t change their habits. I can talk about weight (or behavior, or drugs, or whatever the concern is) sensitively and in an age appropriate manner with the child. The kids at school are likely talking about it in a not-so-sensitive manner, so it’s best to not make it worse by secretly discussing it.
What if it really needs to be said?
If a parent really wants to let a physician know specific points without the child present, there are ways to do that without making the child feel left out.
Send in a letter or secure electronic message with your concerns before the appointment. Be sure it’s at least a few days before the appointment so the doctor has a chance to review it!
Schedule a consult appointment for just parents to come in without the child.
Call in advance to note your concerns so the physician can address it as needed during the visit.
Slip a note in with all the paperwork you’re turning in during check in so the physician can read it before coming into the room. Be sure whoever you give it to realizes it’s included with the standard paperwork so they can pass it on.
Don’t bring siblings to an appointment where you want to discuss a private matter with your child.
All of these help the physician know your concerns without blatantly kicking a child out to talk about something privately.
Some kids never leave their parent’s side when out and about, but others wander without concern and are at risk of getting lost. I’ve had one of each, so I know first hand how scary it is to have a wanderer. Many parents worry that their kids will be abducted, but the large majority of lost kids leave on their own accord. Usually there’s no foul play and they can be found relatively quickly (though it seems like an eternity for a worried parent). What can you do to keep kids from wandering and getting lost?
Many times that parents realize their kids are missing, the child hasn’t made the same realization. Parents might be scared to death, but the child is fine – they are often enjoying an adventure and completely unaware of the problem.
Why do they wander?
Distraction and fun
Most of the time they have no clue what they’re doing, especially if they’re too young to really comprehend rules. They aren’t afraid if they’re focused on something else, which can be anything that gets their attention.
It doesn’t take much to get a child’s attention, especially if you’re at a new place. The new place is also riskier because if they do get separated, they don’t know where they are or where to go for help.
Sometimes kids just want to do something fun because they’re bored. How many kids decide to play hide and seek while shopping? I’ve seen many crawl under clothing racks…
Small children can dart between people in large groups, making it hard to keep up with them without pushing and shoving others out of the way. They don’t realize when they’re focused on something that you’re not right there. Despite saying “excuse me,” I felt inconsiderate plowing through crowds to keep sight on my runner. (She was more than a wanderer…)
Parents get distracted too
Maybe you’re comparison shopping to decide which brand to buy. At some point you have to pay and talk to the cashier.
When your phone buzzes, it’s easy to answer a quick text. Studies show many parents spend a lot of time on their phones when they’re with their kids.
If you hear another child’s cry, do you look in their direction to be sure they’re okay?
And if you have more than one child, you can only really watch one at a time…
It only takes a second to look away from your own child for them to bolt and disappear.
A kid’s view
Kids don’t worry about wandering and getting lost. They get bored or get distracted.
I know one child who was lost at his brother’s sporting event. He decided he was tired and wanted to lay down, so he made it to the family vehicle and took a nap inside.
It all made sense to him, and he didn’t understand why all the parents (it was his brother’s game, so the whole team was looking for him) were upset.
We recognize that a small child roaming through a parking lot is dangerous, but he thought it was reasonable to nap in his familiar seat. He figured his parents would go to the car at the end of the game and find him.
Kids don’t think like adults. We need to talk to them about rules.
“Stranger danger” has a nice ring to it. It’s catchy to say. It’s commonly taught to kids.
But it isn’t effective or safe.
The large majority of strangers are good people. If a child is lost, they shouldn’t feel afraid to talk to the right stranger. I’ve heard of kids refusing to talk to caring adults, which delays reuniting them with their families.
The large majority of abducted (and abused) kids are victims of people they know – not strangers.
talk to kids about boundaries & rules
Kids should never be alone with an adult other than the “safe” people you’ve identified with them. This helps to protect them from predators they know.
They should know to never leave with a person unless that person knows a code word. Even if that person knows their name (it’s easy to listen and learn a kid’s name, or it might even be printed on their shirt or backpack) they shouldn’t leave with that person unless it was pre-arranged or they know a special code you’ve discussed.
All kids who are potty trained should know that there are places on their body that are private. Private mean no one should look or touch there unless you’ve given permission for that person. Permission should be given if they need help toileting (including wiping), bathing, or when it’s part of a medical check up. These private places include anything a swimsuit or underwear would cover.
See the bottom of the blog for resources on talking to kids about these big topics!
7 Ways to Keep Kids from Getting Lost
Preparation is key!
Talk to your kids about what they should do if they are separated from you.
A lot will depend on their age, maturity level and where you’re going.
If you know the place you’re going has a lot of distractions and crowds, such as an amusement park, you will need to plan differently than if you will be in a neighborhood park that is familiar or a family gathering where they know lots of people.
When you’re out and about, it goes without saying that someone needs to be responsible for watching the kids.
This is especially true if you’re going with a group. Sometimes there are so many adults, it’s easy to think someone else is watching a child, but no one is. Make it clear who is responsible for watching each child.
If there are a lot of kids for each adult to watch, have the kids pair up with a buddy. They should not leave their buddy. Schools use this system for field trips and it helps keeps track of the kids.
Remind kids that they should never be alone with an adult, even one they know, unless it’s one of their safe adults. (A safe adult is someone you trust wholeheartedly.) There’s safety in numbers!
For your own safety and to avoid mistaken intentions, never be alone with a child who is not your own unless you have permission from their parent. Having two adults around in restrooms and other private areas is especially important!
2. Give kids identifying information
Until kids are old enough to know your phone number (and be able to tell it clearly to a stranger), have them carry it around in some manner. They should know that they can pull it out when needed.
You can make a bracelet with your number. Get number beads from a craft store and kids can help string them!
Put contact information on dog tags so they can wear it as a necklace. Even boys think this is pretty cool.
There are places to make customized temporary tattoos, or you can just use a permanent marker. This isn’t my first choice, but in a pinch, we all have markers.
3. Be ready to identify
I’m that parent who didn’t remember what I dressed my kids in most days. If they were appropriately dressed for the weather, I didn’t really care. But it does matter if you’re looking for a lost child.
If a child is lost and you’re stressed, it’s especially hard to recall what they were wearing.
In today’s world of everyone carrying a phone with photo capabilities, it’s easy to snap a picture.
Take a picture of your child before going to crowded areas. This photo will not only be recent, but will also show what clothing your child has on, which makes it easier to find your child.
4. Be prepared for boredom, hunger, and fatigue
When kids are tired, sick, hungry, or bored, they’re more likely to act up or try to make it fun.
Plan the trip around nap times as much as possible. Bring a stroller to let a tired child rest if needed.
Ideally we’d all stay home when sick. Bringing kids to public areas when they’re sick spreads germs.
If they will normally eat during the time of the outing, bring along something to eat.
Make sure the snacks are not going to leave a mess.
Don’t include nut products, since leaving residues around a public place could be life threatening to another child. (There are many other food allergies, so ideally you will wash their hands and wipe surfaces after any foods.)
When you know the places you are going are not kid-friendly, try to make it into a game or at least get the kids involved.
The grocery store can be a place to talk to kids about choosing healthy foods. You can do simple math with them by figuring out how many apples you need for the family for the week or by choosing the better deal among differently sized packages.
If you know the kids will have to stay in one place for a while, such as waiting at the DMV, bring books, small toys or games to keep them occupied.
Practice with your kids what they can do if they’re separated. Their risks and abilities change as they get older, so you need to continue the conversation and adapt the plan over the years.
I sometimes would covertly watch my daughter when she ran ahead to see how long it took her to realize I wasn’t right behind her. I wanted to see what she would do when she did figure it out. By preschool she was a pro and knew what to do. She would yell my name or ask another child for help, but at least she stopped where she was and didn’t continue to run further away.
Adults look, kids stay put
I always suggest teaching kids to stay put if they realize they’re lost, unless they’re not in a safe place. If they’re in a street or other unsafe place, they should go to the closest safe location.
Kids should NEVER leave the building or area to look for you. You can teach older kids to go to the front of the store (or find a person in the uniform of the place you are) when you think they’re capable of doing this. Younger kids should just stay put.
Remind them that you will always look for them, and if they stay in one place it’s easier to find them. If they keep moving, they might go to a place you’ve already looked but left, so you won’t find them.
Remind them that it’s okay to yell for you by name or whatever they usually call you, even if they’re in a place that’s usually quiet.
When lost, it’s okay to ask for help. This is why I don’t want kids to be taught stranger danger.
They should know that if an adult approaches them when they’re not lost, they should be cautious. If they’re at a park and an adult asks for a child’s help looking for their dog, that’s not right. Adults can ask other adults for help. They shouldn’t ask kids for help.
If an adult is offering to help when a child is lost, usually that’s okay. Yes, it’s possible that they’re taking advantage of the situation, but how likely would it be that a person of that caliber would be right there when your child is lost? Most people are good.
Kids should be told to give your phone number to a person who’s trying to help. It’s okay to give their name to a person who works at the place you are visiting. It’s confusing because kids are taught to not give their name and personal information to strangers, but it can help find parents names are shared.
Kids should be taught that they should not leave the area, especially with a strange adult. It’s okay if they help the child find the front of the store or a worker, but they should NOT take the child outside the building or park.
Ask another child for help
That child can then ask the adult they’re with to help your child.
Kids are generally safer to talk to and not as threatening to a child who’s already scared.
The other adult can call your phone if your child knows or is wearing your number. (Pay attention to your phone when looking for your child and answer calls from unknown callers!)
Ask a worker for help
Kids can also look for people wearing the uniform or nametag representing the place you are.
Point out what people wear when working at the location you’re visiting. Whatever it is, be sure your child knows what to look for.
We used to stop at the front of the store routinely so my daughter could be reminded what the cashiers wore. She could talk to someone with that uniform if she was lost.
6. Meeting place
Elementary school aged kids can learn where to meet you if they get separated when they show enough maturity and confidence.
Point out a customer service desk, a landmark at a park, or an easily found place where you are going. You can both go there if you get separated.
By middle school many kids like to be able to shop or play at a park with friends. If your child displays the maturity to do this, then it’s a great way for them to develop independence. Be sure that they know a time and place to meet and how to contact you if they need you before that time.
I know “restraints” sounds so negative, but think about it.
It’s for safety, not punishment.
We restrain kids in the car because we know it can help to save their lives.
Not only can toddlers and preschoolers wander and get lost, but they can easily get injured when they’re not supervised.
Shopping carts and strollers
If your toddler or preschooler runs around, he’s not safe. If you strap him into a shopping cart or stroller, they’re safer.
Be sure to use the straps appropriately. They can keep kids from climbing or sliding out.
Our stroller just had a lap belt. The newer ones with shoulder straps would have prevented the time my daughter jimmied out of the lap belt and onto the concrete head first. I was pushing her in the stroller, trying to keep up with my son who was running ahead. I was unaware she was climbing out because I had my eyes on my son. She had quite the goose egg!
I also have become a fan of leashes for young kids. I know many people think they’re cruel and only appropriate for animals, but I have had great experiences with them.
As mentioned above, my daughter was a runner. I lost her more times than I want to admit. She hated being strapped in a stroller – as I shared above. Of course she often refused to hold hands because she wanted freedom. Family outings that should have been fun quickly became miserable.
When I first got the leash my husband was horrified.
My kids loved it.
It was a cute monkey backpack with a leash. They loved taking each other for walks around the house and even fought about who would wear it. Since it was a backpack, they could carry favorite toys inside.
In public areas my daughter would wear it happily. When my husband saw how my daughter was so much happier having “freedom” while being leashed to us in public, he was sold on the idea.
Warning: if you use one, be ready for judging looks. That’s okay. If they have a runner, they’ll understand. If not, they have no idea.
Leash and book suggestions
I’m an Amazon Associates Member. I do get a small amount of money if you purchase from the following links, but there is no increased cost to you. As always, I only link to products that I recommend regardless of where you purchase them.
These wristband harnesses are great because they allow roaming while being safe, but do not look as much like a leash. There are two sizes, which can allow a child to go a bit farther than many of the backpack styles. It’s basically like holding hands from a distance!
I suspect you’d get fewer evil looks from strangers by using the wristband, but young kids might actually prefer the backpack styles because they’re cute and they can carry “stuff” in them.
I like these because they’re insulated for food storage in addition to having a strap for safety.
Going to Disney? I can see these popular there and for any Disney fan. I lost my 3 year old briefly several times on one Disney trip…
This monkey is similar to the one my kids loved. They’re also backpacks, so they can store a few of their favorite things inside. There are many cute designs.
Make a family game night once a week. Volunteer in your child’s class or participate in their extracurricular activities. Take walks. Go to the park. Build a puzzle together. Turn off electronics in the car and just talk.
Make little moments count!
2. Help kids learn from their mistakes
Kids make mistakes often. This means they have many chances to learn.
If we try to fix it all for them, it teaches them that they’re not good enough to do it themselves.
Don’t be harsh with your words when kids mess up. Harsh words scar and might keep kids from trying the next time!
Support kids and help them learn what went wrong. Try role-playing to see how they could have done it differently and maybe next time they can practice how to make a better choice.
Turn your screens off to be able to give full attention to your kids. Make sure they have screen time limits too.
I’m on my computer a lot now, but when my kids were young I only worked online when my kids were in bed. (Now they stay up later than I do, but they’re not home in the evenings.)
Even when I’m on call I don’t answer my phone during family meals because I wanted to model to my kids that family time should not have interruptions from phones. (Note: there are physicians who have to answer immediately due to true emergency calls, but they calls I get should not be emergencies.)
4. Assign chores
My daughter actually laughed at this one when she was reviewing my blog.
Be a better parent than I’ve been in this regard and have your child do daily or weekly chores. I know it’s faster and easier to just do things yourself, but your kids will benefit from the work!
5. Set limits
My daughter also laughed at this one. She is totally the child who will debate any rule. She will follow them if they’re set, but she will attempt to show why the rule should be stretched. I’m proud of her for that characteristic. I don’t want kids that will just follow the leader, but I know that I can’t be an effective parent if there are no limits.
Families that eat together stay together. There are studies showing that when families eat meals regularly together, kids benefit in many ways.
We tend to eat healthier if we eat home cooked meals. This leads to a healthier overall body.
Meal times also provide time for bonding. This can lead to less drug use and depression. It makes sense. If kids are connected to their parents, they will have less need to find other ways to make themselves feel good.
Studies show that kids actually do better academically if they eat with their family at least 5 days a week.
All this and it’s less expensive to eat at home. Bonus!
7. Read together
Okay, I’m cheating with this photo a bit. I didn’t ever take pics of reading with my kids, but took one a few years ago when my daughter was reading to her cousin during a car trip.
Despite not having photos of our nighttime rituals, books were the best part of bedtime when my kids were young.
They loved hearing stories. Sometimes we’d play “I spy” with the book we’d read so many times they had it memorized. Sometimes they’d read to me – more and more as they got older. They’d often try to bargain for more reading time. Reading was a great motivator for them to get dressed and brush teeth so we could get started!
Reading together is not only a great bonding time, but it also helps to set the stage for loving a great skill. Many studies over the years continue to show that reading with children starting when they’re infants helps them learn to speak, interact and bond with parents. They will be more likely to be early readers. Reading with kids who already know how to read helps them feel close to you, understand the world around them and be empathetic citizens of the world.
8. Serve together
Doing community service or volunteering to help others has been shown to benefit not only the persons being served, but also those serving.
Kids can develop pride, learn new skills, gain empathy for others, and live new experiences by helping others.
Studies show that those who volunteer have lower mortality rates, greater functional ability, and lower rates of depression later in life than those who do not volunteer.
Volunteering allows families doing things together working on something productive. They can learn about themselves and each other through helping others.
9. Make physical contact
One of the love languages is physical touch. Sometimes we hear of improper touches and it can negatively impact the way we are able to interact with the kids around us. While I feel very strongly that we need to protect our kids against abusive touches, I also know that kids (and adults) need healthy and safe physical touch.
Never invade a child’s personal space if they don’t want you in it, but physical touch can be reassuring to kids. Give a hug or pat on the back. Tickling and playful roughhousing are fun ways to give physical touch. Dance. Hold hands or make up a fun handshake. Tousle hair as you walk by.
10. Don’t minimize worries
It’s tempting to just say that everything’s okay and to not worry, but when you say that your child just feels like he’s not heard. Over time he will stop talking to you about his worries.
It can be hard to watch kids grow up and take things into their own hands, but it can be rewarding to watch them become independent.
Allowing kids to take on more responsibilities as they grow is a great way to show confidence in them. It can be hard to worry that your child will not remember all aspects of things required or that they will fail at something new, but allowing them to take ownership of things as they get older helps them learn not only the skill to accomplish things, but it also gives them the confidence that they can do things on their own.
13. Let them know you’re always thinking of them
Giving gifts is a great way to show love and affection, but don’t overdo this one.
Not all gifts have to be costly or extravagant.
Leave a little note in the lunch box.
Buy a token gift for no reason occasionally.
Be there to cheer at their game or performance.
It can be that easy.
14. Say “I love you” every day
Saying “I love you” in words is also important. Some people aren’t good at saying it, but try.
I also encourage you to not only share moments, but get in front of the camera with your kids. I’m usually behind the camera taking the pictures, so there are very few photos of me with my kids at various life stages. Be in the photos so you can all walk down memory lane together.
I remember long ago when I was a relatively new mom I still had insecurities about what I was doing (despite the fact that I was a pediatrician). Well, to be honest, I still have lots of great advice for parents, but with my own kids I often struggle to know what’s best. But my kids are way beyond the potty training years, so I feel like I have that hurdle down now…
A problem for many parents, even pediatrician moms…
My son’s baby book’s potty training page shows my naivety. He started showing interest in the potty and even telling me appropriately when he needed to go about 18 months of age.
I knew that he was on the early side of potty training (normally between 18 months and 3 years). This is especially unusual for boys, but he was a smart kid, was directing it all himself, and why not potty train him if he’s interested?
I was so excited for him (and me!) that he was interested.
We put out the potty chair.
We clapped and praised.
He was so happy to make pee in the potty.
Then he lost interest. Out of the blue. Done.
It is almost a year to the day later that the baby book says he was interested again. I actually tried to not let him train, since my 2nd baby was due soon, and I didn’t want him to regress.
One day the daycare teacher said, “He’s been in the same diaper all day for 3 days in a row, he needs underwear!” It was time to try again. I decided it was okay to break out the Buzz Lightyear underwear.
When he did it this time, he did it well. He easily mastered the skill and didn’t have accidents.
You’d think we know better for the 2nd kid…
When my daughter started using the potty early (at about 15 months) I thought it was a fleeting interest as well, but she continued to regularly use the toilet.
Wow! Easy… she did it all on her own.
Her independent streak has its negatives, but I liked this aspect of it.
She never had accidents.
I stopped bringing extra clothes for her cubby at daycare, she was that good.
Then she lost interest. Out of the blue. Done. At 3 years!
One day she woke and said she was a baby and needed a diaper. By this time, we had no diapers. I told her she was a big girl, got her dressed, and sent her off to daycare as usual.
When I picked her up there was a bag of other kid’s wet clothes. She was on her 4th outfit of the day, but we had no extras at school because she was my never-has-accidents kid.
I knew she wasn’t sick (UTI’s can cause accidents.) She had simply decided that she wanted to be treated like a baby. And she’s always been stubborn.
I had to go out and buy diapers. We stocked her cubby with extra clothes. She LOVED being treated like a baby. The daycare even moved her back to the toddler room because the 3 year room didn’t allow diapers. She loved being with the babies, so it suited her just fine.
The problem was the teachers made such a big deal about how she was a big girl and didn’t need the diaper. When I finally convinced the teachers to just matter of factly change the diaper and ignore her behaviors, she decided it wasn’t fun any more to be a baby. Suddenly she was potty trained again.
No more accidents.
Kids develop at various stages.
My advice has always been to let them take the lead when to start potty training, which can happen anywhere from 15 months until 3 years of age.
Kids leading the way?
They are ready to take the lead and potty train when they show interest (wanting to sit on a potty chair, wanting a wet diaper off, telling you when they are wet).
If you push, they will resist. (Trust me.)
Teens and toddlers are one and the same: they both try to exert independence and do it their own way. The more you push, the more they pull.
If you think your child is aware of when he/she needs to urinate or have a bowel movement, put out a potty chair that is in full view when in the bathroom.
Buy potty training books geared toward toddlers.
Show excitement and give praise for interest and any steps in the right direction (sitting on potty, peeing in potty, washing hands, etc.).
You can do a potty dance, give stickers, call Grandma, and do whatever makes a big deal for each little step.
Praise others for using the bathroom.
Invite playdates who are similar ages and are potty trained over so your child can see them in action.
Praise older siblings for going to the bathroom.
You can put the idea in their head: “I’m going to the potty. Boy, do I feel good! I went on the potty, didn’t get my pants dirty, got to flush the toilet, got to use the foamy soap, etc.” but don’t tell them directly to go. They resist being told anything! (Teenagers and toddlers are very similar in this aspect.
Scoop on Poop
Many kids are ready to go pee in the potty, but are afraid to poop there.
That is okay.
Offer a diaper at the time of day they often have a bowel movement.
It is not good to try to force stooling in the toilet if they don’t want to go there. They will hold it and end up constipated. Don’t go there!
You can take them to the bathroom after the bowel movement and drop the stool into the toilet, then have the child flush. Then they associate the stool going down the toilet, which sometimes helps. Encourage lots of fruits and water so the stool stays soft. If it hurts to poop, they hold it longer, which then hurts again, which reinforces holding and then constipation.
Don’t worry about setbacks
Many kids show a temporary interest in potty training, but then stop wanting to go completely. Return to diapers, but leave the potty chair visible. When the child starts to show interest again, give praises.
Remember: normal children do not go to kindergarten in diapers!
They will potty train some day.
If your child isn’t potty trained during the day by 3 1/2 years, talk to your doctor.
Area flags are at half mast today as we are mourning the loss of innocent lives from another mass shooting at a Texas church over the weekend. We are sad for grieving families once again. What we can do to protect ourselves and our loved ones from random violence and acts of hate?
My kids have been on lockdowns at their schools on several occasions over the years. Our kids are getting used to lockdown drills and even real events. Thankfully none of the local school lockdowns turned tragic. Being a parent who cannot do anything while a school is in lockdown is stressful. Not knowing what is happening during a lockdown when my children are most likely sitting on a floor of a crowded dark room is terrifying. My kids have never felt that scared, even when it’s a real lockdown, probably because they’ve practiced and feel prepared. For many kids this seems to be the case, but I’m sure there are some who start having separation anxiety or other manifestations of trauma-related stress.
Today my front office staff saw policemen with weapons in hand enter our building and run down the hall. They did not come into our office.
We locked our front door, closed the blinds, and kept patients in exam rooms. We saw several police cars in the parking lot for our building and those near ours.
Because I was only in the office for meetings on my “day off” I was able to help tell staff and patients what we knew. I helped bring some of the families into the office. I checked Facebook and Twitter repeatedly to find out what was going on. (But I didn’t grab these screenshots until hours later.)
I had planned on updating our social media, but couldn’t find any real information to post.
At one point we were told they apprehended someone in a creek area behind our building and got the all clear to open back up and let people leave.
A few minutes later we were told to put our building back on lockdown. No one knew what was going on.
Our receptionists covertly monitored the parking lot for patients so they could get the door for them – we didn’t want families stuck in a potentially dangerous parking lot. Several patients called that they would be late to their appointments because police had blocked one of the roads into our parking area.
I am very proud of my staff and the families that were in the building. Everyone remained calm. No one complained that they were told to not leave the building. I didn’t hear anyone complain when the rooms started to fill, which affected the flow of seeing patients. I must admit that I didn’t really feel scared during all of this, since it seemed like police were all over and our office felt secure. It was frustrating not knowing what was going on, but the anxiety was much worse when the potential shooter was near my children’s school and they were on lockdown.
It is sad that a false alarm like this must be taken seriously. I’ve heard that it was just a man with a stick. Or maybe it was just a prank. No one really knows at this time.
But what I do know is that there are many good people in this world. We can help each other in times of need. We can support one another. Mr. Rogers says:
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”
When you have to explain these things to your children, remember to keep it simple. Answer their questions, but don’t go deeper than they’re ready to go. Find out what they already know and help them to understand it in ways that mean something to them. Try to keep the news off when kids are in earshot and monitor their screen time online. It’s okay to share your feelings, but try to reassure their safety and list some positives, like Mr. Rodger’s mother did.
Resources for parents to talk to kids about tragic news, such as mass shootings: