Teen Dating Violence: Stats to Know

Teen dating is an important way for kids to learn about themselves and others, but it can open them up to risky behaviors, heartache, and more. Violence in teen relationships is more common than you might realize, but recognizing warning signs can help protect our kids in their relationships.

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

teen dating violence statsFebruary is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, so it is a great time to learn about this all too common problem.

Today I’ll review the statistics to show just how prevalent it is.

Tomorrow I’ll cover how to recognize unhealthy relationships.

A third post will talk about what you can do to prevent abusive relationships and what to do if you recognize one.

What is teen dating violence and why should we care?

Definition

Teen dating violence is the physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional violence within a dating relationship, including stalking.

It can occur in person or electronically and can occur between a current or former dating partner.

Lasting effects

Youth who are victims are more likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety, engage in unhealthy behaviors (use of tobacco, drugs, and alcohol).

They often show antisocial behaviors and think about suicide.

Teens who are victims of dating violence in high school are at higher risk for victimization as an adult.

Dating apps

Dating apps isn’t what this post is about, but it deserves at least a mention. Certainly there’s a lot of teen dating violence with teens who meet in class or through a common friend, but this “service” opens up a Pandora’s Box of risky possibilities.

Teen dating apps?

Sadly, in researching this subject, the first many posts that showed up on my Google search for “teen dating” were teen dating apps. Not adults-only apps, or even apps that pretended to be adult-only.

Apps with “teen” and “dating” in the title.

One of the top search findings was a men’s website with an article about the “best” and “safest” teen dating apps. Yikes! This is on a website designed to attract adult men.

Another advertised that it was for kids 13-17 years of age. I’m not a fan of early teenage kids dating in general, but certainly a 13 year old is too young to safely navigate an online dating service!

As a mother of two teens, this is incomprehensible and scary to me. Why can’t kids meet the old fashioned ways ~ through friends, classmates, clubs, and activities?

On the other hand, I see the draw. So many teens of today haven’t mastered social skills. Kids of all ages today rely on texting to communicate with friends. They aren’t sure how to approach someone they don’t know. Teens find it hard to carry on a verbal conversation.

It’s easy to put your profile out there and search for someone with like-minded personalities. Easy, but not safe!

Thankfully, CommonSenseMedia.org had a high-ranking result to my search. Check out Tinder and 5 More Adult Dating Apps Teens Are Using, Too to see their stats and warnings. I highly recommend Common Sense Media in general for parents to help them moderate their children’s media intake: movies, games, apps, and more.

Dating violence: a very difficult and complex topic  

When teens find themselves in an abusive relationship, they often can’t find an easy way out. Sometimes they’re not even sure if the relationship is healthy or not.

How to separate?

Teens might share friends with their abusive partner. Their friends might think the abuser is wonderful, lending to peer pressure to stay together.

They typically go to school together, so it is difficult to avoid each other entirely.  

Teens might fear trying to leave the relationship safely.  

Victims often have feelings of love and attachment to the abuser, and hope that behaviors will change.

Drawing the line

If teens have lived with domestic abuse at home, they might think the abuse is normal.  

The abusive behaviors tend to lower the victim’s self esteem, making leaving feel less desirable since they feel no one else will ever care about them and a bad relationship is preferable to being alone.  

Guilt

Victims are often confused and made to feel like the abuse is their fault. They are told again and again that “if you didn’t do ___, I wouldn’t have had to ___.” They believe the abuser’s words.

Sometimes the abuse starts so gradually, it takes time to recognize that it’s there. By the time a victim realizes it, he or she may feel that if they say anything or get out of the relationship, others will think they’re stupid for not seeing it earlier. They continue to play the game of happy couple.

Bullying

Teens can experience cyberbullying even when not with their (ex-) partner.

There are no physical signs with verbal or online abuse, but the emotional scars can last a lifetime.

Even physical abuse (pinching, hitting, shoving, slapping, punching, or kicking) doesn’t always leave physical marks. If marks are visible, victims often make up stories to explain how they got there to cover for their partner.

Learn about abuse to help save someone you love from a dangerous relationship!

Stats- in other words, it’s a problem!

2015 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey

The CDC performs surveys of many risk factors on our children every other year. The 2015 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey is the latest reported. The 2017 report is expected to be published later this spring.

Nearly 70% of students nationwide dated or went out with someone during the 12 months before the survey. The statistics below represent a percentage of these 70% in the 12 months prior to the survey.

  • About 10% had been physically hurt on purpose (counting hit, slammed into something, or injured with an object or weapon) by their date or someone they had dated.
  • Over 10% of students had been forced to do sexual things they did not want to do by someone they were dating or going out with. These included being kissed, touched, or physically forced to have sexual intercourse.

The prevalence of physical teen dating violence did not change significantly from 2013 (10.3%) to 2015 (9.6%).

Other stats

Nearly 1.5 million high school students in the United States are physically abused by dating partners every year.

Females are more likely to be the victims (1 in 4 women have been assaulted by a partner).

Men are also at risk: 1 in 14 men report being victims.

Regardless of sex, it is likely that abusive relationships are underreported due to the nature of the problem.

Tomorrow: How to Recognize Teen Dating Violence 



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Active Shooters: Reflections and Talking to Kids

Area flags are at half mast today as we are mourning the loss of innocent lives from another mass shooting at a Texas church over the weekend. We are sad for grieving families once again. What we can do to protect ourselves and our loved ones from random violence and acts of hate?

My generally safe town has had two incidents of violence that have made national news in recent years. A man opened fire at a Jewish Community Center and a Jewish Retirement Home and killed three innocent people. Another man shot two men eating at a local restaurant after yelling racial slurs and telling them to leave his country. One of the men died.

My kids have been on lockdowns at their schools on several occasions over the years. Our kids are getting used to lockdown drills and even real events. Thankfully none of the local school lockdowns turned tragic. Being a parent who cannot do anything while a school is in lockdown is stressful. Not knowing what is happening during a lockdown when my children are most likely sitting on a floor of a crowded dark room is terrifying. My kids have never felt that scared, even when it’s a real lockdown, probably because they’ve practiced and feel prepared. For many kids this seems to be the case, but I’m sure there are some who start having separation anxiety or other manifestations of trauma-related stress.
Today my front office staff saw policemen with weapons in hand enter our building and run down the hall. They did not come into our office.
We locked our front door, closed the blinds, and kept patients in exam rooms. We saw several police cars in the parking lot for our building and those near ours.
Our office manager called the police department to find out what was happening and not a lot was learned, but there was a potential active shooter in the area, so they recommended lockdown.
Because I was only in the office for meetings on my “day off” I was able to help tell staff and patients what we knew. I helped bring some of the families into the office. I checked Facebook and Twitter repeatedly to find out what was going on. (But I didn’t grab these screenshots until hours later.)

I had planned on updating our social media, but couldn’t find any real information to post.

At one point we were told they apprehended someone in a creek area behind our building and got the all clear to open back up and let people leave.
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A few minutes later we were told to put our building back on lockdown. No one knew what was going on.
Our receptionists covertly monitored the parking lot for patients so they could get the door for them – we didn’t want families stuck in a potentially dangerous parking lot. Several patients called that they would be late to their appointments because police had blocked one of the roads into our parking area.
I am very proud of my staff and the families that were in the building. Everyone remained calm. No one complained that they were told to not leave the building. I didn’t hear anyone complain when the rooms started to fill, which affected the flow of seeing patients. I must admit that I didn’t really feel scared during all of this, since it seemed like police were all over and our office felt secure. It was frustrating not knowing what was going on, but the anxiety was much worse when the potential shooter was near my children’s school and they were on lockdown.
It is sad that a false alarm like this must be taken seriously. I’ve heard that it was just a man with a stick. Or maybe it was just a prank. No one really knows at this time.
But what I do know is that there are many good people in this world. We can help each other in times of need. We can support one another. Mr. Rogers says:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

When you have to explain these things to your children, remember to keep it simple. Answer their questions, but don’t go deeper than they’re ready to go. Find out what they already know and help them to understand it in ways that mean something to them. Try to keep the news off when kids are in earshot and monitor their screen time online. It’s okay to share your feelings, but try to reassure their safety and list some positives, like Mr. Rodger’s mother did.

Resources for parents to talk to kids about tragic news, such as mass shootings:

Common Sense Media: Explaining the News to Our Kids
PBS: Talking with Kids About News – sorted by ages
HealthyChildren: Talking to Children About Tragedies & Other News Events
American Psychological Association: How to talk to children about difficult news